I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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