My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
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