apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
