We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
