She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
