took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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