my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
