Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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