He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
