my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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