That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
