Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
