Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
