You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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