I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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