just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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