The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
