I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
