Just fell off a train. Bad.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
