The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Randomize
