Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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