so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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