Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
