my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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