Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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