is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
