My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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