I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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