He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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