i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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