Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
