I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
don't judge my taste in strippers
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
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