I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
