dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
