I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
