Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Randomize
