on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
