I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
