he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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