Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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