Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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