I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
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