Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
