I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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