I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
