i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
