i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
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