I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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