I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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