Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
If I die, sorry about rent.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
