Duck Duck Cougar?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Don't tell me you're on acid again
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
